A while back I got a jury duty notice. A couple weeks before I was due to appear I received a huge questionnaire in the mail. This thing was more comprehensive than everything Wife and I did for premarital counseling. Over 100 questions.

After I sent this in, but before I had to appear the case was continued so I never appeared. With that in mind, and because no one told me not to, I’d like to share some select answers.

Before you think I’m just cherry-picking questions, I’m not. This thing was personal:

That covered my detailed family history, religion, politics, career, salary, parenting, education, etc. Yikes!

Here are some of my favorite answers:

Once I even did computer stuff at a pizza place.

Wife compelled me to not attach a list describing her job.

(Before you assume I hate authority, check out questions 96-98 farther down.)

And finally, after nearly eight years, the secret to my lasting marriage is revealed in question 102.

As a genuinely curious person, with a strong sense of civic duty, I was sincerely disappointed that this fizzled out as quickly as it did. I’ve seen 12 Angry Men and tons of Law and Order so I’m basically an expert.

(Apologies for any damage my handheld “scanner” causes to your eyes.)